First Day of School

So today is the last first day of my undergrad career.  Kinda daunting.  I'm officially a senior credit-wise, and next semester I will be student teaching down in Mesa! AHH.  Going waaay too fast.  I only have one class today, so it honestly doesn't feel like the first day of school.  I surveyed the syllabi for my classes, and this semester is going to be cray cray.  Like, yeah.
But hopefully this semester goes by fast.  I have a countdown going, and there's only 110 days for this semester.  And thankfully I don't have to stay in Flag for all of that.  I don't know why, but Flag, it used to be somewhere I could be free and do what I pleased.  It's all changed since then.  I've been hurt so many times up here.  I've gained more and lost most friends within weeks.   I don't know the definition of friend anymore because of how I've been treated by people up here.  To be honest, my goal this semester is to get in and get out.  I have 110 days to get out of here.  I'm not going to lie, Flag is the most beautiful places I've ever lived.  It fills me with awe of the weather, and the gorgeous scenery.  But I don't feel like I belong here anymore.  I honestly don't know how I ever did.  I've come to really appreciate Mesa, all it offers, and the people there.  I dreaded having to leave it this summer.  I always would gladly go on a vacation to get away, but Mesa is where I feel at home.  So, hopefully these 110 days will go by swiftly. 

So let's see, what's all happened?

Larry came home from his mission.  His president had him come home a transfer early so that he could start school this semester.  Danica and I got to go to lunch with him before I came back up here. 

We took him and his friend Sho to Costa Vida {which is my absolute FAVORITE. Like thank goodness that Flag got a Cafe Rio, which isn't as good, but will help curb my cravings while I'm up here.}.  We got to catch up and just have a good time.  Kinda excited to get to hang out with him more.  He and Sho lived together for 10 months on their mission, so they're basically brothers according to Larry.  So, fun to talk to somebody from a different country. 
I wish we had more time to catch up, but we're both adjusting to having each other around again.  Not going to lie, it was strange when he hugged me.  Partially because I haven't really been hugged from him since the August after I graduated high school. And I haven't hugged boys in a pretty darn long time.  The last one was when Ben left on his mission at the end of July.  Aw Ben! I miss him.  He's only been gone for a month! I really need to write him. 
Speaking of writing missionaries, there's a certain missionary that I think I'm done fixating upon.  I'm still fond of him, it's just.....I can't place myself in cold storage anymore.  Like, lesbihonest.  I'm probs not going to actively try to put myself out there, because I'm not like that.  But, I've been so worrying about him that I start to bring myself further down, and make up scenarios that are just ridiculous.  I can't live my life waiting on promised letters that never come, or could even qualify as letters.  I can't live off of speculations that my best friend swears on just because at one point of our lives, it seemed plausible.  I can't just think that everything is going to be better when he gets home because I have the potential of having a relationship when he gets home.  IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.  
I'm not going to stop writing him, or being his friend, I just think that there's too many unrealistic expectations that I have set for myself.  I need to focus on myself, my own happiness and above all, my schooling.  I haven't lost that sight, but I need to focus harder on it.

But who knows? Anything can happen.  But as for me, I need to be the source of my own happiness first.  And it's going to happen.